004.

I am not okay. I have been craving pizza since this afternoon and i'm staring at a Domino's menu and it looks so tempting and I want to order and stuff my face because it might make me feel better, even though i've eaten an actual healthy meal already. I think I'm probably going to cave tomorrow and have one, just got to get through the night. Night's are always the worst. I'm not okay really am I? Maybe I was just pretending, idk. Maybe that feeling wasn't real. Maybe I didn't feel okay at all, maybe I just made myself think that I was. I really don't want to lose the feeling, fuck.
Nothing changed, except hormones and pizza cravings. I don't get this and I hate it. Maybe it's because i'm sort of sleep deprived, or just tired, or it's the time of year or something. Idk, ugh :(

003.

Currently, I'm trying to stop myself thinking about food. Yesterday I had pizza and then the feelings of guilt came and I felt too full anyway and ugh. Today I've not eaten as much but I am so hungry now, but I need not be hungry because I ate like 4 hours ago. I think at least some of the stress has been lifted now, and hopefully issues won't get worse and maybe that's why I have more of an appetite. Earlier when I was satiated and the sun was shining and things were good, I felt a sense of calm and a slight ease that things might actually start working out for me. Although, my landlord completely takes the piss and grrrr, let's not even go there. It's just stupid.

Things to get done tomorrow or pretty soon after :
1) Laundry
2) Foooooooooood + household shopping (WHY am I thinking about food? Because I need food. Food is gay.)
3) Actually start on my disseration idea
4) READING, READING, READING
5) Notes and all that shizz
6) Make an appt. with John Williams on outlook... 'cause I have no idea on how to do that. (DROP IN SESSIONS ... alternative!)
7) N Power, council tax, British Gas homecare
8) Get money
9) Movie/shopping/Riley's etc.


Hmm, no idea why I even have a blog or write. Writing seems silly now. I haven't really written much in forever. But anyways,

x