i'm trying, i'm trying; i swear i am trying. i haven't strung two sentences together in what feels like a lifetime. i hardly say anything to anyone, i keep away like a hideous beast watching belle. i can only tell you for some reason, but it never comes out right and i always screw everything up. i'm a fucking screw up, a waste of fucking space. i hate myself. i hate people. why can no one on this goddamn earth understand me? there are others feeling similar, but never the same. i hate 99.9% of people because no two people are exactly the same. even mz twins have their differences, if not through their genes. i want to locate a girl like me, she'd be my only friend. but i've never been a fan of wanting or needing anything in my entire life. i hate myself for needing. why does no one in my life understand i have an illness? albeit an invisible illness but would it really be better if i chopped off my limbs and became an amputee? i need someone. anyone. you. it'll always be you. except you hate me and you've left again; if not for 6 months then i don't know how long for. but i won't speak to anyone, i won't say a word to anyone but you if you ever come back. and i vow this from now onwards.
help me.
